Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Buffet Rules

I'm not a man known for loving rules, or steenking badges, for that matter. But it's a fact of life that rules often come about to address some behavior that was happening in the past. Cities with tall buildings need elevator codes, for instance, while a town with no buildings more than two stories isn't likely to need such rules. And when you find out that Indiana has laws against dressing up a duck and taking it to church with you, then you know that was a pretty widespread practice until "The Man" had to step in and ruin the fun.

It was with this in mind that I read the rules posted at the buffet at lunch today. Rules such as:

1) Buffet for Dine-in Only

2) Two hour limit at Buffet

3) No outside containers

4) Use tongs and serving implements

5) No dipping your head in the trays and eating like a filthy mule you sick bastard

Okay, I made up item 3). But it's sort of sad that people can't be trusted to follow certain basic buffet behavior, such as "take what you want, but don't be a cheapskate pig" and "be hygienic, you degenerate". Unfortunately there are enough people out there who ruin it for the proper gentleman who would like to eat his beans and fried chicken buffet style. And that is why we have the rules.


  1. were these buffet rules or the proposed Wall St reform.....especially #5!

  2. Actually, I would add: 6) Don't freakin' art direct your lunch - you don't need to artfully arrange every scrap of food, dump it onto your plate and move on so other people can eat, too.

  3. Brooks--perhaps it's time I wrote the new SEC regulations!

    Shannon--oh those buffet artists drive me nuts. They rank slightly above someone who'd lick the buffet spoon, and below someone who overpiles their plate because they just might never make it back up to the buffet again.