1) The expression "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it" is pretty stupid. After all, if I wish for a million bucks, and then I get it, is that supposed to be "oh cruel irony!" time? More accurate would be to say "make sure you don't wish for anything idiotic like a talking dog because that'll mess you up."
2) If you can fit your political opinion on a topic onto a bumper sticker, then your opinion is probably dogmatic and poorly thought out.
3) Same goes for those "my kid is on the honor roll" bumper stickers--you might as well say "please beat up my pretentious kid".
4) If I were in the Army and my patrol was going through some dangerous jungle, and the commanding officer said "boys, just do what we learned from watching that movie Footloose..." I think I'd try to join another patrol instead.
5) In prison, if I got propositioned by one of the bigger thugs, I'd say something clever like "mister, you can't afford me!" and hopefully he'd laugh and pat me on the shoulder and say "you're all right!" If he instead beats me to death then I'd just have to be happy with those last words.
6) They could probably prevent hijackings if they gave everyone on the plane a handgun. Then, when the hijackers pull out their guns everyone would be like "hey, big deal dude, we all have guns, stop blocking the movie". We'd need to use special bullets that don't go through fuselages.
7) I'm not sure how vodka got invented. Someone had to drink the foul tasting stuff at one point, not knowing that it would do wonderful things like make everyone's jokes sound funnier and make him feel more attractive. They must have just known.
8) We can usually tell if a person is possessed by a demon. But I don't think we'd ever know if a typical appliance was possessed. What more could a blender do that it hasnt' done already?
9) I always find it amusing when foreign dictators wear military uniforms with all the ribbons. I mean, no one is actually convinced that these guys are amazing war heroes. Why not just go with a comfortable T-shirt and cargo shorts? They're not fooling anybody otherwise.
Envelopes – Essential Buyers Manuals
2 months ago